Tuesday, September 15, 2015
The best part of maturity is putting things into practice that are tried and true. I get a certain sense of satisfaction from watching things line up as I expect. The next best part of maturity is the reliability of expecting the unexpected also known as all things going to hell. I know that particular part of the journey makes life interesting, keeps your mind sharp, and makes for great stories.
I am getting better everyday, which makes me keenly aware of the things that have changed, that are very different. Somethings, thankfully haven't changed and likely won't and those are my reliables that sustain me. A new thing, my body has new land marks and I have learned that healing surgical scars can be painful. When I least expect it, my scars turn into blistering, heat filled, marks of searing, agonizing pain - and 45 seconds later it goes away. So far the only treatment that cools and calms it down completely is vitamin e oil. Not cocoa butter, not fresh aloe, not processed aloe, not bio oil, not honey. Vitamin E oil. Also new, the random chest pains that come and go - they suck. An old thing is sleep is my bestest friend. I sleep often and my crazy dreams usually don't deter my relationship with my bed. My bed is my boo. No matter how often people tell me I am doing to much I chuckle to myself cause they cannot know that compared to my former normal, I might as well be a teenager on summer break. I rest, barely leave the house, and sleep when the feeling hits me. Truthfully, this is old and true but hadn't been possible in a long, long time.
Another new thing is my decreased strength. I pride myself on being physically strong. That I will take every bag and carry a sleeping child in the house because I REFUSE to make more than one trip type upper body strength. Well, it's gone, dropping my ego down to the reality of needing help to do what was mindlessly easy before. An old truth is that I can get it back. I know that for sure. It will be a humbling journey but I can regain and surpass my former strength. A great new thing is my even greater need for personal security and safety. As a card carrying member of the big chick club, I have always been accustomed to people thinking twice about bothering me. I also have worked to maintain safety where ever I am. After this incident, I think where was my home alarm or my dog? Why did I have my machete by my door and nothing by my bed? Why did I not know how to disarm my attacker? Now, these are not questions to berate myself. To the contrary these are ways to create a new, safer environment for myself and my children. An old thing is that I am stubborn (really) but reasonable. So, I do things that make sense, but I am determined to make that call my self. I will however ask for advise before I decide.
The best new thing is the reality of the magnitude of people and their loving support of me. I know that I make heart connections with people that I meet. That's what I try to do, to truly create love moments wherever I go. I just didn't know how deep that went, or how far. You all blew me away. I mean that. It has only been 9 weeks since the day my life changed. I fully expect these new normals to get old as I take on brand new things to do and accomplish, as well as deal with the regular random things that just come my way. What I know for sure is that, experience is still the best teacher and you might as well get a good story out of the journey.